Visited October 5th, 2009 by Malcolm & Raymond

Well…..,this is it then. The last pub on our project and it’s the 53rd.We’re venturing out at night again because this pub isn’t open on a Tuesday lunchtime. This time Ray’s going to take a tenner ‘cos we’re going for a celebratory curry afterwards. He’s got his tenner concealed about his body in case of night-time muggers(and the pub, The Globe, has something of a reputation!)”They’ll never find it where I’ve got it hidden” chortles Ray.I feel sorry for the barmaid who has to handle the cash later!!And off we set into the night……..

Location:
A two bar local near Homefield Park, situated on the corner of Newland Road and Dagmar Street. It’s a typical “working man’s” pub – work?…we try not to do too much of that these days!
Drink: We downed Grolsch and Caffrey’s and noticed London Pride was on tap. We toasted ourselves on reaching our 53rd and final pub – just a shame the surroundings didn’t live up to the occasion!
Food: Fascia banner outside reads “Food daily 12am-3pm Wednesday to Sunday”, but no menus on show inside. Me thinks, worth checking out the kitchen first – before placing your order!
Staff: Pleasant blonde woman serving both bars, dressed in a pink top and black tight pants. She was keeping all these demanding customers satisfied – with pints, I mean!
Service: How difficult could it be to pull two pints, the difficult bit for me was carrying them to our table without spilling it. She was friendly and smiled as she carried a mop & bucket into the loo – but we didn’t ask what she was doing!
Clientele: Most customers in here you wouldn’t stare at, for fear of being stabbed. Bloke came in wearing a denim cap, beard, tattoos, short, stocky and hairy. A ring in his ear, wearing a sweaty vest that read, Harley Davidson Massilia Marseille France. I didn’t realise that Malcolm was a practicing Hells Angel – certainly kept that quiet!
Atmosphere/Ambiance: Sensed the tension in the air, cheers and hell raising coming from the adjoining bar. Packed with well serious, well tanked up darts players, queuing up waiting to throw – up!
Decor: In the sports bar, you needed to wear dark glasses as the walls were bright mauve with a multi-coloured carpet. In our bar, beige walls, burgundy blinds and a newish green carpet. The pool table dominated the room and on the shelves over the bar, sat rows of silver trophies – I know, for f***ing darts “180”!
Music: The large wall speakers were silent, probably because the Liverpool match was on the wide screen. We wanted to appear “one of the lads” – so we shouted “Come on you reds!”
Beer Garden/Childrens Play Area: That’s a relief, there isn’t one, you wouldn’t want to bring little Kevin here anyway. Some blokes were sitting out front by the road side and getting a bit rowdy – but they soon quietened down when they saw Malcolm’s electronic tag, respect!
Parking: Double yellow lines out front – I guess that’s what prompts the regulars to park on the pavement under the pub windows!
Toilets: To a poor standard, completely tiled out in white with the occasional brown streak. No bulb in the cubical, oh well, another dump in the dark. Load of water/piss under the urinals – probably because my aim isn’t what it use to be!
Disabled Accessibility: There’s nothing here that would prohibit access apart from the double doors – bit of a bitch to push open especially if your in a wheelchair!
Kerb-side Appeal: Appears to have had a recent lick of paint inside and out. Still retains its original, decorative etched window glass, but one had been smashed and boarded up – it spoke volumes to me about the type of clientele they get in here!
Overall Rating: 4/10
Would We Return?: No, this was just a one off – and the once was certainly enough!
Visited September 10th, 2009 by Malcolm & Raymond

Yes, we’re breaking new ground today-the old gits are going out at night time!! This pub isn’t open at lunchtime so we’ve decided, at great risk, to venture out at dusk and ,wait for it, return in the dark!
Ray’s only got £5 in his pocket-you can’t be too careful, we might get mugged, he says. Let’s hope the beer’s cheap then, I replied.

Location:
This smallish “U” shaped one bar pub was acquired by Punch Taverns back in 2002 and now only opens in the evening. Set back from the A24 (on A2031) after the railway bridge and sits in front of Morrisons supermarket – we’ve waited a bloody long time to review this pub, but today’s the day!
 
Drink: Good selection of “Castle Shots” at £1.50p a pop. They had Harveys Sussex Bitter, we drank Pedigree and Staropramen Prague lager, very nice, they also had Ringwood Fortyniner – funny that, Malcolms’ just reached fiftyniner!
 
Food: The publican doesn’t rely on selling food to survive, but food is on offer. “Castle Specials” rump steaks, flamed burgers, “The Castle Brunch” chicken curries, baguettes and much more. You can’t miss the large plastic bottles of mustard/ketchup and onion jar on the bar – how very subtle!
 
Staff: A grand total of one, the publican, seemed happy to be on either side of the bar, 25 years experience in the pub trade, he told me – likable bloke, but above all, a bluesman!
 
Service: The publican was conversing well with his customers, pulling their pints, putting on the music and cooking all the food – firkin hell, he’s a one man show, but if he gets really busy on the food orders, you’ll be waiting bloody ages for your pint!
 
Clientele: Leather clad, worn through jeans, bulging pockets of loose change and a 5 o’clock shadow – and that was just Malcolm!
Pubs attracting a younger crowd of late, we’re told – oh well, that’s us out!
 
Atmosphere/
Ambiance:
Plenty of conversation and good vibes going on here, that mixed with some great blues music – made it for us!
 
Decor: We sank into comfy leather sofa chairs, they were well worn – to a point of no return!
Curtains were f**king awful, a mix of yellow, green and orange – far out man!
Walls were a dark salmon pink, nicotine stained cream ceilings, faded multi-coloured carpet, original dark wood furniture, battered and chipped – f**king depressing but seemed in keeping with the rest of the place!
There’s was a red swear box on the bar – we said to ourselves “That’s a f**king good idea!”
 
Music: They were playing “She’s Not There” by The Zombies on our arrival, so Malcolm says. Listened all evening to other rock/blues greats such as Fleetwood Mac, Gary Moore, Jimmy Page. I recognised Robert Cray and Chris Rea, Malcolm was most impressed. I can now stand tall and look up to Malcolm, my music mentor – providing he stands on a box!
 
Beer Garden/
Childrens Play Area:
Picnic tables/benches out front, sit and watch the traffic lights change colour. Push open the fire exit doors at the rear, opens out into a rather shabby patio/covered smoking area. Reed/wicker panels partitioned off part of this area, looked a temporary measure to me. Dogs are welcome, we know that – because the owners got one!
 
Parking: Plagued by double yellow lines everywhere, but I guess you can find parking in some of the back roads. A fox had parked its bum on the pavement outside, waiting and hoping the publican would feed him – which he did while we were there!
 
Toilets: Functional, clean and original, the graphics on the durex machine read: flavoured, coloured and ribbed condoms, essential wear, so I’m told. “Everything was in working order” said Malcolm – as he zipped up his fly!
 
Disabled Accessibility: You might struggle through their double entrance doors if your wheelchair bound. A woman on double crutches was already there supping pints – no problem getting in here for her then!
 
Kerb-side Appeal: Imposing looking building, architecturally pleasing and sits in a prominent position. After doing the weeks shop at Morrisons, take the short walk to the pub – and reward yourself with a pint!
 
Overall Rating: 7/10
 
Would We Return?: Yes, worth 9.5 out of 10 if we were rating this pub on just its music – but we’re not!
Visited September 2nd, 2009 by Malcolm & Raymond


Who’d have believed it,eh! This is our last lunchtime visit to the list of pubs that were first identified 18 months ago at the start of our project. It’s the 51st time that we are to put ourselves through the torture of having a lunchtime pint but Ray’s still as keen as mustard even though this is the longest walk of all the pubs-being on the Western extremeties of the Worthing borough boundary.
  It’s a hot day and Ray’s got those shorts on again, he doesn’t realise that the fashion police will arrest him soon! Anyway,1940’s footballer’s shorts will come back into fashion one day, won’t they?

Location:
A large pub/restaurant on two levels converted from barns and farm buildings. The entrance is off Titnore Lane on the A259 to the north of Goring. It took us an hour to walk there, then we were nearly mowed down by the traffic on Titnore Lane. Rounding the corner, we were confronted by an impressive long drive up to the attractive front entrance – after all that we were well and truly gagging for a pint!
 
Drink: A long bar with an impressive row of pumps. We started with an enjoyable pint of Landlords then we moved on to Spitfire – we were going to stay longer but Malcolm had to get back to pay his paperbill!
 
Food: The tables had utensils, napkins and numerous menus including Lite Bites, main meals, wine and cocktails. A staggering choice! We had an open salmon sandwich on granary bread with a bowl of chips – not the usual run of the mill pub grub!
 
Staff: Barmen in white shirts with bright ties, barmaids in white blouses and black aprons. A friendly and helpful barman informed us that they only had a limited menu as the gas had gone off. As he assured us we could still have sandwiches, we stayed – our offer of 50p for the meter was politely refused!
 
Service: You have to order food at the bar and they give you a numbered wooden spoon that denotes your table. As all the food is cooked to order, it arrived at our table fresh and hot – just like the waitress!
 
Clientele: Mostly business people in their lunch breaks or middle aged children taking their elderly parents out for lunch and us. Gone are our expense accounts and our children can’t afford our tastes i.e. not MacDonalds!!
 
Atmosphere/
Ambiance:
The way that the place is laid out and the soft, natural colour scheme gives a relaxing feel in keeping with the barn – hardly surprising it started to fill up quickly!
 
Decor: This has a winning formula, flagstone floors, natural wood, pastel colours, open brickwork, leather sofas, tastefully framed pictures, clever use of lighting – we would not expect to see Farmer Giles here!
 
Music: Smooth background music playing. Jack Jones or Harry Connick Junior, we were undecided who the crooner was, then with a big grin, Malcolm recognised Joss Stone – he’s such a smart arse!
 
Beer Garden/
Childrens Play Area:
Large outside patio with picnic tables and seating galore, attractively laid out, large parasols and exotic plants. A lovely place to enjoy yourselves whatever the weather as they have patio heaters for those cooler days – ignore the sound of the traffic, relax and day dream about climbing Highdown Hill……one day!
 
Parking: Once you have used a gallon of petrol driving up the long driveway, you’re spoiled for choice of where to park. They also have disabled bays and bicycle racks – there needs to be a big car park or you would have to leave the car miles away!
 
Toilets: As expected they were first class. Framed special offers and menus hung over the urinals – luckily no-one came in to take my order while I was in full flow!
 
Disabled Accessibility: The main bar and patio are all on one level with an accessible toilet on the ground floor. Noticed some customers had wheelchairs and crutches – so mobility was not an issue!
 
Kerb-side Appeal: Difficult to see from the main road however, what you can glimpse over the hedge – looks very inviting!
 
Overall Rating: 8.5/10  
 
Would We Return?: Yes, like the Swallows, we will return – but you won’t catch us walking again, we’ll be driving next time!